delusions of adequacy

I’m an accountant. This is the point where your eyes get a little wider and you shake your head saying to me, “Wow, accounting…that’s not something I could ever do.” Its okay, I hear it all the time. Usually followed by some witty remark about a pocket protector, abacus, or beans. And almost always a question in regards to whether I’m good at math.

I figure I might as well debunk the misconception while I still have your attention.

Accounting is not math intensive.

My eight year old cousins could probably do it. I know, it’s a shock, isn’t it. Crazy how one sentence can change your perspective on everything you thought you knew. Anyway…

I received a promotion this year. With the promotion came the privilege of attending somewhere in the neighborhood of sixty-seven meetings a day. Let me tell you about one particular meeting.

………

They called it leadership training. There was a facilitator there who was going to use some fancy ‘management tools’ to help us become better leaders while facing the changes that were taking place in the company. It was an all day meeting involving every manager in my region. I was not looking forward to it.

To my absolute surprise some of it was actually interesting and even better yet, helpful. There had been a lot of tension between a few people in my office and it was making the atmosphere muggy for everyone. This meeting cleared the air.

The facilitator had my co-workers bring to the table their frustrations and work out the issues while all of us sat there. There was some anger, some tears, but everything was talked out, the issues resolved. The meeting was coming to a close and the facilitator was making one last closing statement. I can’t remember the exact phrasing, but it was something close to:

“We just need to remember to approach one another in love.”

What! Did he really just say that? The man who had just finished using every leadership tool that ever existed in management textbooks, just told us to love one another? To approach, confront, rebuke one another in love?

I’m sure I held my composure, well, I hope I held my composure. But in my head, my jaw dropped, why eyes grew wide and the room spun around a bit. When things stopped spinning they looked a bit different.

It’s crazy how one sentence can change your perspective on everything you thought you knew.

I thought I knew who I was. And I was pretty sure I knew how I treated people. But, while in some circumstances I do approach folks with love and although I would have previously have told you that I approached everyone that way – at work, I certainly didn’t.

I thought I knew my coworkers. Looking around that conference table though, I saw familiar faces, but completely new people.

………

I remember when I first got hired.

I was stoked to be in the workforce. While I knew that I wasn’t going to have the chance to affect the lives of people like a social worker, teacher, or pastor might, I was still ready to affect the people around me. I headed out my first day of work knowing that I could shine like a star in the universe and offer life to my coworkers.

But as I looked at the people in that meeting with me, I knew that somewhere along the way my perception of them had changed. My eagerness to love them, to see their faults and their strengths and love them for both, had been lost.

I no longer shined like a star. I was stuck to at least my knees in nasty black mire that was holding me down and I didn’t even realize that I was still sinking. I was only managing to fool myself.

………

What is it about that gooey mud that is so appealing? Why is it so easy to stomp around in?

Maybe it’s just me that spends so much time living in comfortable misconceptions. I’m kind of hoping it’s not.

Fortunately, I’ve been told that I can shine.

joyfully,
sugar3